I want you, but I don't want you to know

I want you, but I don't want you to know.
I fear the loss more than I trust the gain.
You are my love. I will not let you go.

Nor do I have the courage to bestow
My love on you, that you might see me plain.
I want you, but I don't want you to know.

I fear your presence like an undertow
That drags me out unready, trite, inane.
You are my love. I will not let you go.

And yet when you are near I feel you glow
Like sunlight dancing through my windowpane.
I want you, but I don't want you to know.

Empty but for you, I cannot show
You anything of interest I contain.
You are my love. I will not let you go.

I am a box within a box, safe so.
Sealed from self, I hide from your disdain.
I want you, but I don't want you to know.
You are my love. I will not let you go.

---Nicholas Gordon