Though I chose death instead of pointless pain

Though I chose death instead of pointless pain,
Please forgive the manner of my leaving.
My love and need for all of you remain.

I could not long such suffering sustain,
Nor would it long have held you from your grieving.
Though I chose death instead of pointless pain,

I hope that choice will not my memory stain,
Nor lead you to be wroth at my deceiving.
My love and need for all of you remain.

For only in you do I live again,
Woven like a wind into your weaving.
Though I chose death instead of pointless pain,

I put to you the plea of the self-slain:
To comprehend an anguish past conceiving.
My love and need for all of you remain

That all that I have been not be in vain,
But blend into the earth of your believing.
Though I chose death instead of pointless pain,
My love and need for all of you remain.

---Nicholas Gordon