Villain Elle

Whenever I wake up and don't feel well,
I like to read a women's magazine.
I know that I can count on Vogue or Elle,

Cosmo or Glamour, Jane or Mademoiselle,
Instead of pills, elixirs, or caffeine,
Whenever I wake up and don't feel well.

Page eight has bathing suits that look just swell
If you're six foot and live on Lean Cuisine.
I know that I can count on Vogue or Elle.

Page nine's a list of "wardrobe musts" that sell
At reasonable prices--for a queen.
Whenever I wake up and don't feel well,

Page ten says how to age, yet stay a belle.
The photo? It's a model of eighteen.
I know that I can count on Vogue or Elle

To make my time in bed such living hell,
I'm out of there in sixty seconds clean.
Whenever I wake up and don't feel well,
I know that I can count on Vogue or Elle.